Saudi Asstronaut
No its not a typo, and I am not talking about Prince Sultan bin Salman the first (and only) Saudi into space, I am talking about Mazin Abduljawad who claims that he gets so much ass he should be called an astronaut (ok I made the ass-trounout thing up, he never asked for it) but he never asked for a lawsuit by 100 good and upholding citizens without sin to cast the first stone. (if the reports are accurate)
You know how they say it’s only illegal if you get caught… right?
Anyway, the show itself, had it been an American show would’ve only been fit for late night cable television like HBO, not a free satellite channel, but Arabic channels have very little restrictions and no one, or no organisation to complain to… but what’s new… no lines are drawn on many things.
I wonder why no one sued the brother that killed his sisters (I hear the father pardoned him) for using a firearm in public. Last time I checked (15 years ago) that was a criminal offence. Or why no class action suit against the municipality of Jeddah for a lot of things such as the latest death of a young girl? As far as I am concerned Mazin was on a show broadcasted from another country, so it is out of the jurisdiction of the courts… my limited understanding of the legal system of course… otherwise, many of my country men could be sued for lewd behaviour in other countries, in Saudi courts… of course this is my limited understanding of the legal system.
Anyhow Mazin (which means someone that weights things, mentally of course, i.e. someone who knows how to talk and has a good judgment of things) in a typical generation Y gung-ho behaviour (assuming he’s 23 years old), decided to tell the world that he sees more butts than an ashtray… ok I’ll stop with the metaphors…
He said LBC edited and portrayed him in a bad light (media producers will do that… I have no doubt about that, but how much is true… and how much is editing?) The media is out to get money, and they do whatever they need to do to float their boats, I’ve never watched the show, so I do not know about the whats or hows or the credibility… but I know it’s not 60 minutes, plus reports are… confusing, they say he is 23, and now I hear he has been married for sixteen years, divorced, and has four children the oldest is fourteen years old…. I’m not going to do he math… but something does not compute.
Now, I’m not saying that whatever he was talking about does not take place, whenever there is a will there will be a way… but I doubt that he knew what he was talking about… but then again I was never the social butterfly… all the people I know or knew never owned a dildo… a mirror on the sealing, yes… handcuffs and whip cream, maybe… feathers and silk blindfolds, ok … but a dildo… not that I know of, and not that I would like to know!!! EVER.
Mazin also claims that “Spanish fly” works… I had a discussion years ago with some people…. that if Spanish fly worked… then the date rape drug would’ve never been used.
Anyhow, he will not go without some kind of punishment, he shattered some notions of our society being angelic and where all the vices of the outside world never happen in Saudi.
A few years ago, I had to take a taxi between Jubail and Dammam airport, the driver was an old Saudi man… and for the whole hour kept telling me about his sexual expeditions with women (prostitutes) in every major city in Saudi and the surrounding countries, he had been a taxi driver since he was 17 and was now over 60… of course every story ended with him waiting for me to share a story also… so I told him that a pig’s orgasm lasts for thirty minutes! Can you believe that? 30 minutes… and kept hoping that the next exit would be the airport.
Anyhow, the whole thing seems to be fabricated from the beginning to the end, with contradicting reports about his age, and lawsuits and such… I don’t think any of it is true… a few years ago a talk show host (Hala Sarhan) had so called prostitutes on the show… turns out the prostitutes were not actually “working girls” but girls that worked with Hala on the show (the episode), they wanted to increase the number of viewers… had the girls families and friends not recognised their voices, the incident would’ve went unnoticed, but that caused the girls problems with their families who then accused them of not really working with Hala on the show, but actually going out at night… um… “working”.
We all know sex sells… and it sells well.
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Jul 30, 2009 @ 00:50:21
An excellent and witty piece as usual my dear Qusay
Being secluded for most of my life I could hardly participate in this discussion, except that I know you don’t really subscribe to the stereotypical description of our people trying to portray our society as being angelical!
It is not so! It has never been so!
Why is it when an official organization steps in to clear a mess that would’ve never been approved or tolerated by the majority, they become in the eyes of the few opportunists “spin doctors”.
They are simply telling everybody who cares to listen, that this is not sanctioned by our religion, culture, or the Saudi majority.
They don’t do it because they want to polish the face of the country and its culture. They do it because it’s the true face of the country and its culture!
There are a few exceptions of course, as in everything else!
Jul 30, 2009 @ 08:09:02
Well, I felt compelled to do the math and IT COMPUTES! Married age 7 (to an “older woman”), 1st child at age 8 (culturally good proof of virility and fertility of both partners, and anchoring the marriage by having a child in the first year of the marriage), and recently divorced age 23. This leaves him much time for serial monogamy, or serial quadri-polygyny (a neologism I just now invented), and substantially increasing the population of Saudi with children with a similar genetic makeup to his, leaving the rest of us to plan research projects of a quantitative-qualitative comparative nature on the inheritance patterns of Asstronauts Saudi and non-Saudi.
Lest there be a doubting Thomas or Tareq amongst the readers, yes 7-year-olds can become fathers though most are not so inclined, and tend to “shoot blanks” (sorry, but the term seems to go with the post).
So I, for one, believe this whole story verbatim, literally, fundamentalistly, etc., and sincerely hope his punishment for foolish boasting won’t involve impediments to his procreativity! Besides, neither Mazin nor LBC has ever lied to me before (that I know of).
Ah, wonderful long taxi rides with chatty lascivious drivers!
My own personal favourite was somehow double booking myself into 2 conferences, 1 in Montreal and 1 in Halifax, both of which were too career important not to attend. So, I arranged to fly to Montreal, speak first on the Montreal panel at the end of the day, skip the rest of the weekend program, and arrive the same Friday for the Halifax conference, participate at the opening, and then speak the next day, Saturday. Rather pleased with myself I was too. Gave the talk, took the questions, bowed out gracefully, fast cab to the airport–until in the plane, I realized with the help of my ticket and the overhead announcements, that seasoned traveller that I was, and Canadian Geography high school whiz that I was, and soooo good at math (see above), I had forgotten about Canadian time zones and would be landing at night,not evening, and after the program was over for the day.
Ah, but the best was yet to come. The conference centre/hotel complex was an hour outside Halifax, hence the 1hr cab ride with the multi-tattoed young lascivious cab driver through the black forest (not the Black Forest though–my geography isn’t that bad). His preferred topic of conversation? Tattoos, what kind and where on the body, and tattoo parlours, which also do piercings, aaaalllll over the body, especially his preferred nipple and genital sites, and what types of piercings he had where, and did I have any, and if so where (no and no where).
Never told any family member (including conjugal) about this ride for fear of being permanently forbidden from conference attendance, cab rides, travel, etc., etc. I trust my secret is safe with you all. LOL
I agree this is another excellent post, and a most witty one. Also, thanks for the inspiration and the memories! LOL
Jul 30, 2009 @ 08:09:56
Oops, sorry that was longer than I thought!
Jul 30, 2009 @ 11:25:11
PPS FYI the link to the original interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcvgOfgA3v0
warning tacky red accents to his apartment decor, blocked out sex toys, and a view of a “condom” in its wrapper, Mazem in red shirt with a little decolletage, and jeans, and of course driving!
Qusay–if you didn’t include this for any reason please feel free to delete.
Jul 30, 2009 @ 11:53:32
Dear Chiara
Your Hispaudi friend bed you and Qusay a good and restful night/day…
Jul 30, 2009 @ 23:54:10
Saudi Aspire–Hispaudi is one of the best combinations ever! LOL
Productive happy days, and restful nights to both you and Qusay! 
Aug 01, 2009 @ 20:14:17
For some reason, I don’t really feel sorry for the Mazen. Lets be honest here, going up on TV and talking about how often you get laid is douchebaggery at its epitome. That said, I don’t believe douchbags should be sent to jail; maybe just made fun of in public
Taxi drivers in Saudi do seem to know a lot about where to find this kind of stuff don’t they? We had a driver once, getting a ride back from school (note we were 15 then!) who offered to give us numbers of women of various ethnicities who we could call for a ‘good time’.
Aug 02, 2009 @ 01:38:45
Mazen has been arrested for transgressing both Islamic law and Saudi customs–ooops!
http://www.saudigazette.com.sa/index.cfm?method=home.regcon&contentID=2009080145426
http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1§ion=0&article=125043&d=1&m=8&y=2009
Saving Face or Sweeping Under the Rug? « Qusay
Aug 14, 2009 @ 11:36:18
[...] trade in the world for nothing. It is available in every major city in the world (according to the taxi driver, remember him?), and can be found in Muslim countries, some disguise it none the less under [...]
Aug 02, 2009 @ 01:42:20
Since a “douchebag” is a pejorative for a woman, and hence douchebaggery too, do you wishing to emasculate, at least figuratively, Mazen? perhaps as part of his public shaming? LOL
Saudi taxi drivers, are soooo accomodating. Do the families who send their impressionable youth to school in taxis know this?
Stunning photography blog btw!
Aug 02, 2009 @ 21:27:46
Thanks Nidal, u have a great blog with excellent post and wonderful pictures.
I don’t feel sorry for him either, I’m not a “hater” but that dude was not intelligent at all… What’s next, someone streaking in at a soccer game…
Taxi drivers everywhere know where to get anything… So I’ve been told… Thanks for passing by
Aug 02, 2009 @ 04:06:02
Or in normal English grammar:…do you wish to emasculate Mazen, at least figuratively?
Aug 02, 2009 @ 19:37:24
I always thought it was a unisex pejorative. Emasculate? Nah, he’s probably had enough of that already in Saudi jails
I was thinking more along the lines of him talking about his ‘pick-up’ lines and ‘moves’ that apparently get his soo much attention
Either we’d get a laugh out of it, or learn something. Win win!
Aug 02, 2009 @ 19:38:00
And thanks for stopping by my site
Aug 02, 2009 @ 21:21:40
Saud, good comment, but I can only talk for myself… As for the spin doctors… I cannot say.
No society was ever angelical, I don’t think any will be!
Aug 03, 2009 @ 00:32:49
No worries… Remember you have a Carte Blanche, so use it and abuse it
Aug 03, 2009 @ 07:49:32
Shokran!
Aug 03, 2009 @ 07:52:18
NidalM–I’m sure you’re right about Mazen. And about your blog, afwan.
Qusay–and the problem with a streaker would be…?
